Monday, October 13, 2008

The elephant in the room.

The elephant in the room is a comment we are hearing often in the media and then they are usually referring to the economy. However in my case I am referring to my pregnancy. I say this because either 1) I feel like the elephant in the room - as I clamber across a room up up the stairs - very focused on not losing my balance - something I am very prone to these days.
And then there is 2) I am trying to ignore the elephant in the room - which is the third trimester looming ahead of me like a huge cavern filled with pits and snakes and I have to navigate it - in the dark.

I am already so uncomfortable that I am flinching daily, sometimes hourly, at the idea of another 86 days till I can start counting the days I am overdue. I have almost always gone early or on time but this time I am expecting to go over as I have typically been induced - either because I was having contractions to no end - with no progress so at about 38+ weeks - the doctor would heed my pleading and the water would be broken with a baby in about 8 - 10 hours. This time, however, we have chosen a midwife for our care and delivery and there will be no breaking of water at 38+ weeks unless there is great medical necessity of it. The certainly of this is like the that of the stone the ten commandments were etched in. Even after Moses hurled it in anger and broke it - it was still stone.

So the tiny flickering light that I am using to get through this yawning cavern of discomfort, and yes even of fear, is focusing on today. Just getting through today as tomorrow might be different. Tomorrow I might have more energy and perhaps less pain. Or it might be worse. But today is all I have and I cannot know what tomorrow brings and no amount of worry will change it. Prayer will help, but worry and fretting will not.


Beth said...

Will pray for you - try to enjoy any part you can though - feeling her move, etc. You never know, this might be the last baby you ever have! I think of that too - there's no guarantee that God will bless us with another one, so I'm trying to enjoy being pregnant, who knows? It might be my last time too. I hope not, but you never know. And of course you know that God will never give you anything you can't handle.

Jennifer @ Conversion Diary said...

Thank you for the reminder to focus on today! My baby (fourth in five years) is due in early March and I've spent so much time worrying about handling it all after she gets here. I do need to just focus on today!

I once heard this quote (from "The Secret of a Happy Life") that I'm going to try to remember more, that I share in case you find it inspiring:


One secret of a sweet and happy Christian life is learning to live by the day...Life does not come to us all at one time; it comes only a day at a time. Even tomorrow is never ours until it becomes today, and we have nothing whatever to do with it but to pass down to it a fair and good inheritance in today's work well done, and today's life well lived.

It is a blessed secret this, of living by the day. Any one can carry his burden, however heavy, till nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however heavy, till nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, until the sun goes down. And this is all life ever means to us - just one little day. "Do today's duty; fight today's temptations, and do not weaken or distract yourself by looking forward to things you cannot see and could not understand if you saw them." God gives us nights to shut down upon our little days. We cannot see beyond. Short horizons make life easier and give us one of the blessed secrets of brave, true, holy living.


God bless!